Learn & Love
by AdimentVirage123
Summary: David Karofsky is completely confused about himself kissing Kurt and doesn't know what the future will hold ...Sorry its short but I can't give out too much too quickly lol Enjoy :  This is from Dave's POV
1. How It All Began

"You're nothing but a scared little boy who can't handle hoe extraordinarily ordinary you are!"

Then I did it…..

I kissed Kurt Hummel…..I kissed the boy whose life I'd made a living hell for being exactly what I was too afraid to admit, even to myself. It felt so good to release all the bottled-up tension I kept inside. He smelled like perfume, a sickeningly sweet perfume and he looked so soft even when pent up with rage. I grabbed him, pulling his face to mine in an angry kiss.

His hair was smooth to the touch and his lips were soft and warm. I could almost taste the hate he had for me at that moment, making me shiver from how ironically inviting and sweet it almost was. Kurt had seen through my façade of being a bully to the true person I was, just an ordinary guy with ordinary problems…..well ordinary as far as he'd known, up until this moment. Suddenly, I felt him tense up in my hands while I heard him gently gasp.

I pulled back from him with a small whimper. There was a mixture of pure fear, disbelief, and shock on his face. I then felt the urge to kiss him again. I wanted to,…..I needed to…I wanted to feel him close to me without harming him, without the usual source of contact, the slamming into lockers and slushies to the face kind. The kind Kurt was familiar with.

But this was different I wanted to be close to him by a different sense, a comfortable sense; a sense that wouldn't hurt..….

I leaned in again to kiss him again, to feel the release once more but Kurt pushed me away with a force that knocked me back into the reality that this was wrong…..what I was doing was so wrong. Kurt was shaking almost violently against the red lockers with his hand covering his mouth and his eyes fixated on my face with a look of fear. All of a sudden I hated myself for what I had done, I hated that I had wanted it so badly…

I gazed at him for second before slamming both my fists into the locker in a mix of anger and confusion…..almost like an unknown apology to him for what had just happened. Then I ran out…..it was all I could do.

What was I gonna do? I wasn't gay like him. I was a straight football player from McKinley High. No one was to ever find out. I'd deal with this myself….keep it from the whole world and it'll just go away…right?

I didn't see Kurt for the rest of the day, mainly because I avoided taking any route to my classes that even hinted that he'd ever be there. I wasn't ready to see his face, if I had people would probably have sensed that something was up by the way I would have stared…..it was too soon to make any contact with him.

But I did see him at the end of the day when we were all dismissed to our cars. I saw him climbing into his SUV, throw his things angrily into the next seat, and tear out of the parking lot; tires barking slightly. I sat and stared at my steering wheel, thoughts running wild within my head. I remained that way until I heard the loud pattering of rain on my windshield. The kiss flashed through me mind over and over and over again until I felt on the brink of tears

All I could think was what everyone would say if this ever got out…

What would my parents do?

My father would never accept this the way Kurt's father had. I would never have a life like that, that was so accepting and loving towards who I was if I was gay. Instantly, I was jealous of Kurt, angry at him for this. This was all his fault, he did this to me, he made me this way. I started my car and slammed on the gas, throwing little bits of loose gravel across the parking lot as I sped away.

As I made my way home I decided to act as if this thing had never happened and maybe Hummel would too

Later that night after dinner I felt it was time for me to go to sleep, I was tired and I guess sleep was the only thing I thought to relieve this stress.

The last thing I saw before I closed my eyes was the blank white ceiling, and I thought to myself that we had more in common than I realized….

_Hey there it's Adiment lol I love Glee and this pairing is like my all time fav besides Finnchel lol_

_I worked really hard on this and its my first FanFic I've had in a while...Reviews plz plz plz _

_There will definitely be more to come…Enjoy_


	2. Not So Sweet Dream

It was about two in the morning when I woke up in a cold sweat with my heart beating insanely against my chest. I was breathing heavily like I'd been running laps from practice non-stop and my body was shaking like crazy.

The reason for these problems?

A dream…..

A fantasy….?

A nightmare…?

A nightmarish fantasy…?

Usually, I'd just shrug it off and go back to sleep but this was a different matter completely.

This was a dream about Kurt….

I opened my eyes to find myself in a bed, not my bed, but a bigger bed. Kinda like the ones you see in hotel rooms, but I knew this wasn't the case. The room was dark but I could easily see that the walls were a saddening shade of colorless grey….

I found myself dressed in the garb that I had that night to sleep in….my boxers. I searched frantically to see if there was any indication as to where I could be. I saw nothing but a staircase, a vanity, some dressers, a chair, and a couple of small tables that inhibited the room. Where am I? I asked myself, it wasn't anyplace that I had been before but strangely it felt comfortable….. Then I felt movement next to me in the bed followed by a gentle, sweet sigh…

I knew that voice; it was a voice that I had become willingly familiar with…..

I rolled over to see who it was and then I saw him there. It was Kurt…..he was dressed in his boxers and a loose t-shirt with the number 55 on it. I then realized it was my football jersey when he inched closer to me and I saw my last name printed in black across his chest…..**KAROFSKY**, the McKinley High emblem just below it. My heart jumped up into my throat at the sight of him, not in fear, but almost in awe. My mind wandered a bit as a creeping feeling of sensuality warmed my body.

I shook my head, clearing any thought of it from me. But suddenly he ran his hand across my chest, moving closer to me to where his head was in my arms. He nestled his cheek against my collarbone, his head beneath my chin, as he slowly inched his arm around my torso; his hands softly trailing my skin leaving behind goosebumps where his fingers had traced. Then I smelled that sweet smell in his hair that followed him everywhere, intoxicating me to the point I felt almost drunk. I wanted him closer to me, to feel the warmth of him mingling with mine and that smell….God his scent was so exhilarating. Then I thought this is not happening, this is not happening….this is not right!

I quickly threw him off me, jumping out of the bed.

"Get off me, homo!' I half yelled at him, as my blood pumped crazily from his touch. I still felt the softness from his tiny hands all over my skin.

In the back of my mind I wanted to feel their warmth again, but I couldn't, I won't!

"What are you scared of?" Kurt breathed quietly.

I cringed when hearing it; that was the second time he'd asked me that today. But then I asked myself….What was I afraid of? What my parents would do, what Azimio would do, what everyone would think or say if anything about what happened got out. I'd be finished at McKinley. I'd get kicked off the team, lose my scholarship, lose my rep as the tough football player who kicked ass and took names…especially from Kurt. Just because he was free to be himself. All these thoughts threw me into a panic.

"Nothing!" I cried out to Hummel, my internal anger casting out to him. I wasn't yelling at him as much as I was yelling at myself.

I sat back down on the bed, my head in my hands, angry at everything and everyone. I felt Kurt's small arms wrap around my neck in an assuring embrace and his head lay gently on my bare back.

"It's ok to be scared, Karofsky," he whispered, as he lightly kissed my neck, sending tremors down my spine.

At that exact moment I just didn't care anymore. I turned to face Hummel and kissed him. I just wanted to feel ok with this, but I knew when I woke up it wouldn't be; so I just made the best of this. My kisses were rough and demanding to him but he kissed my back softly and playfully, coaxing me to him with his eyes. God his lips were so perfect against mine, even in my dreams. I pulled back from him and whispered, "…..Kurt…," resting my forehead on his, while I looked at his lips; waiting for him to say something or just smile. But right before I decided he had had enough he inched his mouth closer to mine, breathed in sharply, and laughed seductively before pressing his lips to mine again in a rough kiss of his own.

Then I felt his hands in my hair and on the back of my neck and it drove me crazy. He tasted so sweet, so different from before when he tasted of hate. Hate for me…..

My heart beat so fast it was beginning to make my breath sound labored between kisses, but before I could do anything else I woke up…..

I woke up and that panicky fear washed over my body. I'm so messed up! I screamed in my head as I rubbed my face with my blanket, wiping the sweat from my forehead. I tried to lay back down, I tried to just go back to sleep and forget about it, but I was so hot-blooded I knew sleep would not come. I could still feel his lips on my mouth and his fingers entwined in my hair. So I retreated in to the bathroom across the hall turned on the faucets full-force. I peeled off my boxers that were clinging to my sweat moistened skin and stepped into the shower, hoping the hot water would cleanse every sense of the dream from my skin but more importantly my mind…..

_**Reviews plz plz plz!**_

_**Hey Adiment here, hoping you enjoyed this chapter….see I told you there was more to come…and there will be more to come still just give me a couple days and you'll have a new chapter Enjoy **____** 3**_


	3. Someone Knows

When I laid back down in my own bed, I didn't even bother to close my eyes to try and sleep. I knew it wouldn't come easily and I didn't feel like forcing it. So I just laid there and stared at the cold, white ceiling panels that reminded me so much of myself. It was plain, square, and just ordinary. It could never be used for anything other than what it was. If it was said to be used to stop world hunger, they'd laugh and toss it to the side. So it just sits there used for one purpose…..to make the ceiling look acceptable, so it would fit in with all the other white tiles that surrounded it. One of millions…..

That's what was expected of me. To be one of millions of people who worked hard in school to be exactly like everyone else. I could never be anything more than a plain, white ceiling tile, no matter how much I wanted…..or needed….to be different.

I could never be the Michael Angelo masterpiece that was Kurt Hummel. Every tile was different…..each, one in a million.

I needed to stop thinking about Hummel….he was the reason I couldn't get myself together, the whole reason I didn't know who I was anymore. I struggled to keep my mind blank until I saw the first sliver of sunlight from outside my window hit my face. I checked my alarm clock; 5:25. It was at least another half-hour before I was supposed to wake up, but I decided to go ahead, get ready, and head into school early. I quickly threw on a light blue polo and a pair of jeans, grabbing my letterman jacket from football on the way out.

I didn't wake up my parents to tell them where I was going. They usually knew where I'd be, at the field or getting breakfast with Azimio. But this time I went somewhere different. I went to the football locker room…..

Yea,….the same locker room where everything began. When I found out I was so…so confused. I felt a hint of anger rising in my throat. I yanked out the locker and stared at myself in the small mirror that glinted from the back of the compartment. Every locker had a mirror in it in McKinley. Why? I don't know. I think sometimes it's meant to be a cruel joke…

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, but only for a second before I slammed my fist into it, shattering my reflection into tiny unfamiliar pieces. I couldn't stand to see myself like this….so weak and almost broken. Yet, I refused to help myself; it would only get worse. But if I didn't get help it would get worse still. It was a lose/lose situation either way…

As I pulled my fist back, the tinkling of the broken glass hitting the bottom of my locker made me laugh. I began picking the bloody slivers from my hand and continued laughing til I cried. Streams of tears streaked across my face until I felt almost empty inside. Letting out all this frustration was almost God given, I composed my self while looking at the damage I'd caused in my locker.

Breaking a mirror was seven years of bad luck. What the hell would it matter to me? My whole life right now was a run of bad luck…..how worse could it get?

For the majority of the day I prayed I wouldn't have to see Kurt….Wait a minute….why did I say Kurt? It's Hummel to me, not Kurt! He never called me David so why would I call him by his proper first name…?

I prayed I wouldn't see Hummel during the day. I still wasn't ready for contact of any kind; to tell you the truth I wasn't ready to see him…ever. Every moment that passed was a moment of potential conflict with him.

Turn a corner? No Hummel….

Turn another corner? No Hummel….

Long hallway? No Hummel…..

I was pretty certain that I wouldn't have to see him at all that day, until the second to last bell of the day dismissed us to our last period. I got hung up in my last class explaining to my teacher why my biology project had not been completed yet. So I decided to take the back way through the school that lead to the outdoors commons area. I picked up my books from my locker, slipped on my letterman jacket to shield myself from the harsh Lima cold, and headed down the hallway towards the outdoor staircase.

Azimio waved at me from down the hall, a blue slushie in his hand; his target either being Finn Hudson or his loud mouthed girlfriend. I watched him turn a corner and disappear into the depths of the school. I sighed heavily, continuing down the hall towards outside. The cold air hit me with a stinging intensity, I could almost feel the color drain from my face from the frigid wind.

I turned the landings, winding down the stairs to my destination but I was stopped almost dead in my tracks at the second to last landing. I saw Kurt point me out to a short, dark-haired guy in a red and black school uniform.

"That's him…" I heard Kurt whisper quietly from behind that new kid.

"Don't worry, I've got your back….Excuse me," he chimed approaching me, blocking and stopping me from getting away. I saw Hummel look on nervously as he did so, clutching tightly to that brown leather messenger bag he always carried around.

What was this guy trying to do? And what did he have to do with Kurt? I'd never even seen this guy before…..but I didn't want to stick around to find out.

"Hey lady boys….this your boyfriend Kurt?" I mused, looking at Kurt.

"Me and Kurt would like to talk to you about something," said the dark-haired kid, eyeing me intently. A panic arising in the back of my mind quickly made me decide it was time to bail.

"I gotta get to class," I scoffed thrusting Kurt back against the wall as I pushed past the two roughly. I momentarily felt his heart beat against my hand as I shoved. It was beating like mine…..pounding in fear.

I descended few stairs to the landing below, the other two boys slowly following. "Kurt told me what you did….." he quickly stated. I froze up inside, a feeling of dread washing over me…

Kurt had told someone…

I played it off like I didn't know what he was talking about but in reality I was screaming insanely, flipping out, in my head.

"Oh yea? Well what's that?" I questioned snidely, puffing out my chest acting as if I had nothing to hide. Like I wasn't hiding half myself to the world…..

"You kissed me….," Kurt breathed shallowly, looking me in the eye.

I whipped my head around, seeing if anyone had heard or even noticed the words he'd said. This cannot be happening I yelled in my mind. Kurt opened his mouth and squealed about the whole thing to this guy. I couldn't let them see how this was affecting me. Just be cool Karofsky, just do like you have been doing…..acting like it never happened. Get yourself together man, your falling apart at the seams because of it.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I muttered, shifting my eyes everywhere; keeping them from meeting the stares of Kurt. I suddenly felt sweat start to bead on the back of my neck…..I was such a liar.

_**Hey it's Adiment, hope you enjoy this one…..its a little lengthy and boring I'm sorry to say but it puts basically all of Dave's cards on the table….confusion is driving him up the wall at this point lol**_

_**Plz plz plz plz review….they show me you care lol There will be more to come don't worry loyal readers **___


	4. Confrontation & Deliberation

"It seems like you might be a little confused and that's totally normal. This is a very hard thing to come to terms with," the dark-haired kid assured.

Hard? He thought this was hard? He was wrong. This was something impossible to come to terms with…..at least for me. The pressure of all this at one time was making me feel trapped, forced to have to deal with it. I couldn't so this, not here….not now. I felt like just running but I just turned away from them and continued on my way. They followed me….

"And you should just know you're not alone," he called after me. I stopped, I felt so vulnerable and exposed. I felt as if the eyes of the world were on me and they knew everything. Why did Kurt go and say something? I trusted him to keep this a secret even if we hadn't verbally agreed to do so.

I realized I had to do something, something to prove a point. I turned around quickly, letting my anger get the best of me and stormed at him, grabbing him up by his uniform blazer, and slamming his back into the wall behind him.

"Do not mess with me!" I rasped, getting in his face. He put his hands up, not fighting back. He just looked me in the eyes with a serious glare. He could see right through me…..

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kurt coming at me, burying both his small hands into my jacket, throwing himself into my chest, shoving me off the other boy.

"You have to stop this!" he cried, standing between me and the guy, giving me a pleading look.

I stumbled back, almost losing my footing. He had pushed me hard. I had never expected him to be so strong…..never expected him to ever physically confront me. I was pissed about it. All I wanted to do was slam him into the wall just like I had that dark-haired dude. I wanted to see my fists balled up with the fabric of his jacket, back to the wall. I wanted to smell his fear overshadow his usual sweet, sweet scent. I wanted to feel his heart beat like mine. But I didn't do it. I saw the mix of fear and hurt in his face and I knew that no matter what happened I could never truly hurt him….never.

I stared at the ground to keep from looking him in the eyes. I could feel him watching me as I did so. Suddenly, I felt ashamed of what I was doing so I turned abruptly and hurried down the stairs. I could sense that I had lost my cool, a desperate look was played across my face.

Dam him, I said to myself; deciding to skip last period and sit in my car til school was over. Dammit Kurt…..why was I so controlled by him lately? Back there I wanted to knock him out for telling that guy about what had happened…..about the kiss. I couldn't believe he had done that to me. And that dark-haired kid, thinking he could just tell me what I needed to do, trying to help me when obviously he didn't know a dam thing about me.

He paraded himself around Kurt like he thought he was the shit, trying to get into business that didn't even concern him…and Hummel followed him around like a puppy.

Wait…what was I saying? I was talking like all this mattered to me like…..it mattered that Kurt had a hold on me; that I cared that that other boy was around Kurt.

I was jealous….and it sickened me to admit it.

No,no,no,no,no…..I was not going to think about this. Hummel meant nothing to me….period.

I continued to try and numb my mind while I sat in the quiet safety of my car, waiting for school to be over, but nothing would stop the thoughts, the feelings, the utter confusion…..nothing.

"Stop!" I screamed loudly, punching my steering wheel so hard my knuckles cracked from the force. I kicked at the pedals and threw my books violently at the windshield to where they flew open and crashed to the floorboards with a heavy thud. I sighed halfheartedly, lying my head against my window letting the cool from the glass calm the anger I had more towards myself then anyone else; even Hummel…..

I finally heard the last bell ring and the other students poured into the parking lot, quickly heading to their cars to leave the hell hole called William McKinley High. I watched as Azimio and all the other football players pile into their vehicles and speed off. Usually, I was with them, cutting up, talking about practice, making plans for the upcoming weekend…

But recently I pretty much stayed away from the team unless we were on the field running drills or something, especially in the locker room….

It's not that I meant to keep to myself around them it's just that I didn't want to do or say anything that would make them think something was up.

Then I saw Kurt moving towards his car, that guy from earlier at his heels. Hummel leaned against the car and said something inaudible from where I sat. The dark-haired kid smiled and put his hand on his shoulder in a reassuring gesture. Kurt's soft cheeks grew from pink to his trademark shade of red and nodded nervously. Then the two got into his car and started to back out. As he passed my car I saw them laughing and Kurt was smiling from ear to ear as he turned off onto the street.

I could almost hear his entrancing laughter ringing in my ears. I wanted to just hear him speak something sweetly to me that wasn't laced heavily with sarcasm.

I was alone in the parking lot now so I just thought freely, not caring. I just needed to feel relieved from bottling it all up….denying it all the time. Then I stopped myself and realized that I wanted Kurt…

Not to hurt him…..I just wanted him like my life depended on, and maybe it did…

But I could never have him; I would never allow myself to. And besides he has that other guy….someone like him that knew who they were and was accepted for it. He now had someone who would be good for him, someone who'd be there for him no matter what, without caring what others thought about it; someone who didn't want to slam him around and throw drinks in his face then try and kiss him.

I was the hamhock…not his type.

I was the chubby boy who sweat so much I was gonna be bald before I was 30.

That's what he thought of me…..and it was true…..

Instantly, I thought of the dark-haired guy. So perfect and proper, so…everything I wasn't. That's what Kurt wanted, not the football player who was so far in the closet it would be a miracle if he ever came out….not me.

I stuck my key into the ignition, starting the car. Kurt's smiling, laughing,…..beautiful face flashed through my mind as I put the truck in drive and a small feeling was centered in my chest. It was heartbreak….

I angrily denied it and wiped the small streak of wetness from my cheek. It was a tear, just a single tear…

Man up Karofsky!, I screamed in my head, slamming on the gas, tearing out of the parking lot, trying to again forget everything….

I had to do something to get rid of this problem and I would do it….one way or another…

_**Hey its Adiment, hope you enjoyed it, sorry it's a little slow right now but it gets realy good really soon **___

_**Review, review, review plz!**_


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